


Where Angels Go

by courtneyarnelle



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Death by illness, F/F, Sexual Content, parental homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 09:54:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2105316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/courtneyarnelle/pseuds/courtneyarnelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Historia's life was almost perfect, she had a girlfriend who loved her, despite her parents' would be disapproval. And college was going fine. And then, she finds out she's contracted a brain disease so new there isn't even a name for it yet. Worst part is, it's terminal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this](http://otpprompts.tumblr.com/post/92940391772/person-a-and-person-b-are-in-a-happy-devoted) prompt.

**Naked post-sex cuddling** was definitely Historia's favorite thing to wake up to. Her girlfriend’s arms were wrapped around her just firmly enough to keep her from moving immediately. A stark beam of December sunlight shone onto her face from an open spot in the blinds. She let a content sigh pass her lips as she looked at the clock.

6:30.

She definitely needed to get up. She let herself enjoy this peaceful morning for a couple more minutes, Ymir’s breath tickled the back of her neck with each exhale. She had seemed deep enough asleep, but as soon as Historia started to sit up, the arms around her tightened and pulled her closer against the tall lean body that she knew so well.

“Ymir, come on. I have to get up. I have a class at 8.”

“Fuck your class.” Ymir inhaled sharply and exhaled deeply, her arms tightening around Historia as she buried her face into her bare shoulder. Her voice was thick with the drowsiness that, no doubt, still had a claim on her.

“That’s mature.” An annoyed groan answered her. Historia rolled her eyes before she turned to face her girlfriend. Ymir had the cutest freckles peppering her cheeks, and Historia couldn’t help looking at them, a bit distracted by the random way they were splattered against her skin. When she finally looked up to Ymir’s eyes, the brunette was glaring at her.

“Fuck you, too.”

“Don’t be a baby.” Historia kissed her nose, causing Ymir’s face to scrunch up. The next kiss landed on the annoyed crinkle of skin between her eyebrows and Ymir relaxed her face with a roll of her eyes. Historia pressed her forehead against Ymir’s and the older woman sighed after a few stubborn seconds.

“Fine, fine. Just give me a minute, Historia.” Ymir dipped her head, hand reaching up to move Historia’s, sometimes annoying, long hair from her shoulder and pressed a kiss against it. Then, she captured Historia’s lips in a tender kiss. Ymir’s hand slid up Historia’s back, fingers tracing the angle of her spine and Historia arched into her. Historia’s hand landed on her collarbone, her fingers pressing into Ymir’s skin. Their lips part after a moment and Historia’s nose wrinkled in mild disgust.

“Morning breath.”

“You’ll get over it.” Ymir kissed her again, this kiss much briefer.  Then she let her arms loosen from around Historia, allowing her to slip out of bed. Ymir had never really been a morning person, so as soon as Historia's warmth was gone, she pulled the blankets up to her chin and curled back up.

Ymir was two years older than Historia, and a senior at Rose University. Her only class that day didn’t start until 12:45, so she had plenty of time to relax. Historia had taken a much different route, scheduling her classes early so she had all afternoon to do what she wanted. Being that Ymir was a senior, she’d moved out of the school dorms her junior year and into her own apartment within walking distance of the school.

Her apartment was comfy enough for two people, definitely not a place you’d want to live in the rest of your life, but it served its purpose. They’d met a few weeks into Historia’s freshman year. Historia’s only real friend and roommate up until that point, Sasha, had convinced her to the school’s first football game.

Sasha’s friend, Connie, had challenged her to a drinking contest. Sasha had won, because Connie had knocked his head on the table and passed out. Historia had been struggling to get a piss drunk Sasha to go back to their dorm room with her before someone came and arrested her for under aged drinking when Ymir had shown up.

She’d surprised Historia by lifting Sasha onto her back and piggybacking her all the way back to their room, refusing Historia offers to help. Ymir had claimed to only be helping them so "the freshman" would owe her a favor later, but she spent the entire walk shooting Historia as many corny pick-up lines as she could think of.

Historia had laughed and waved them off, unsure of how serious Ymir’s flirting was.

“Maybe I’ll see you around.” Historia said, looking down at her shoes and Ymir tilted her head, waiting until Historia met her eyes before she answered her.

“You’re damn right you will.” She smirked at Historia’s dumbfounded expression, and left just like that.

After that night, Historia did see her. Again and again. Every time they talked, Historia found more attracted to the woman. It didn’t take long for their chemistry to become something neither of them could attempt to avoid, and they’d started seriously dating.

Halfway through her sophomore year and they were still together. Ymir was still the only person, aside from her family who called her Historia. At school, she was known as Christa Lenz by direct orders of her parents. They’d created the pseudo name in order for Historia to have a normal school life. If anyone knew her real name and the amount of influence she would potentially have, they would treat her differently and try to use her to their own advantage according to her parents.

They’d agreed at the beginning of their relationship not to keep any secrets from each other. Secrets were destructive. And so, Historia had told Ymir about her parents. Ymir had be surprised at first, but she didn't treat her any differently because of it. If anything, Ymir teased her more.

Historia picked up Ymir’s shirt from the floor where it had been tossed the night before without much thought and she pulled it on. It came down just enough to cover her butt so she wasn't walking around exposed. She then went into Ymir’s closet to find something to wear that day.

She spent a lot more time that she'd like to admit at Ymir’s apartment, and still she didn’t keep a nearly enough clothes there. She pushed her hair out of her face and settled on one of Ymir’s hoodies and a pair of her backup leggings that she'd always kept there. It was a simple, plain outfit but she wasn't trying to impress anyone. Historia set the clothes on the bathroom sink and turned the shower on to warm the water.

“Am I seeing you tonight?” She heard Ymir’s voice asking from her bedroom, more awake than she had been a few minutes ago.

“No, I’m sorry. I have a dinner with my parents.”

“Oh, okay. Just call me, alright?”

“Yeah, I will.” If her parents had known about Ymir, and would have approved, inviting Ymir to dinner wouldn’t have been a big task. It would be _expected_ for her to join them. But they didn’t. And wouldn’t.

A hundred or so years ago, the Church of the Wall, which was a church based on the idea that the walls guarding their county had been built by the grace of god himself, had been establish. Its support had grown rapidly, becoming the most practiced religion in Utgard and it had come to a point where you were almost _forced_ to be a part of the church.

Needless to say, Lod Reiss, head of the church, was a very influential person in Utgard politics. The Reiss family itself had become a dominant influence on political matters. If you had their support, you were guaranteed to succeed.

Although, gay rights existed and the LBGTQ community were no longer persecuted, Historia’s parents had personally always taught her that just because they were accepted didn’t make them morally right. Since she was little, Historia had always liked girls more than boys. Not necessarily romantically, but she’d preferred girls. She’d nodded and told her parents she understood, harboring her feelings inside.

Ymir didn’t exactly _enjoy_ being Historia’s dirty little secret. In fact, she hated it. But, she knew what it felt like to have disapproving parents. Plus, she liked Historia enough to deal with being a secret for the time being.

Historia pulled off Ymir’s shirt and tossed it onto the bathroom floor, stepping under the warm stream of water coming from the showerhead. A sigh of relief left her lips. She turned her face directly into the spray, running her fingers through her hair.

She opened an eye slightly hearing the door of the bathroom close and some movement from behind the shower curtain. Then, Ymir pulled back the curtain and stepped into the shower with her.

“Finally decided to get up?” She asked as lean arms wrapped around her and pulled her back against a solid, yet soft, chest. Ymir nuzzled into the side of her neck and hummed before she replied.

“Couldn’t resist a shower with you before you left.” Her lips brushed against her skin as she talked, then Ymir pressed soft lips against the curve of her neck eliciting a soft moan from the blonde. Historia rolled her eyes feeling Ymir smirk against her skin.

Ymir’s fingers glided up her stomach to her chest and her hand squeezed her firmly. Her fingers found a nipple and teased it with practiced fingers.

“You’re distracting me.” Historia managed through her haze of pleasure, she squeezed her thighs together feeling the pleasure throbbing to her center. “I have a class at 8.”

“Did you know that sex is scientifically proven to relieve stress?” Ymir free hand slid down and grazed her clit. Historia whimpered, her legs nearly falling from underneath her. Ymir wrapped a firm arm around her waist to keep her standing “And I’m sensing a lot of stress right around here…”

“Shut up.” Historia snapped. She turned her head to deliver another angry reply, and Ymir’s lips were on hers, coaxing her into a sensual kiss. Historia’s hand tangled in Ymir’s hair and the brunette’s fingers stoked her between her thighs. “You have five minutes.” Historia breathed, finally giving in. Not that she’d exactly been putting up much of a fight.

“That’s plenty of time.”

* * *

 

 **Historia would never tell** Ymir that she actually _does_ feel a lot more relaxed after their not so quickie. But, now Historia was running late. Ymir had sent her off with a half-assed sorry and a kiss to remember her by, as if today were her last day on earth.

Not having time for real breakfast, she stopped at the on campus Starbucks and ordering a small coffee and a muffin. Waiting for her order was a bitch. She stood off to the side trying to hide her slight shivering. The snow outside said she should have took the time to blow dry her hair, which was thrown up in a messy bun, but the time convinced her otherwise.

A loud “Christa?” got her attention and she muttered a quick thank you, before taking her order and heading out to her first class.

After a year and a half, campus had become so familiar to her that she could probably get to class with her eyes closed. Historia's first teacher who just went by “Hange" was probably the most lenient history teacher on campus. When she entered the classroom just before 8, Hange was already talking animatedly to a student about something and the poor kid looked like he wanted to melt into the floor.

Historia laughed to herself and sat near the back of the class so she wouldn’t disturb anyone while she ate. She was about halfway through her muffin and 10 minutes into class when a body slid into the unoccupied seat next to her. She turned to see Sasha’s smiling face.

 “You’re late.” Historia told her, sipping her coffee and turning almost all of her focus back to Hange who was talking admittedly about how absolute _fascinating_ the human race was.

“Yeah, are you gonna finish that, Christa?” Sasha brushed her comment on her tardiness off and Historia followed her eyes to the muffin in her left hand. Sasha was staring at the rest of her muffin like it was drug. And, Historia laughed at her, sliding it into her hands wordlessly. “Thank you so much. You’re a saint.”

Sasha dug ungracefully into the remainder of what had been an okay breakfast.

“Hey, Christa?” Sasha’s voice momentarily distracted her from Hange’s lecture once again.

“Hm?”

“You mind if I borrow your notes? I can’t pay attention to save my life.”

“Of course.” She rolled her eyes. It wasn't that Sasha _couldn't_ pay attention and write her own notes, she was just lazy. "I'm not always gonna be around to help you, you know?"

"I know, I know. But, I have time to worry about that later, right?"

"Right."

* * *

 

 **If she'd known this** dinner was actually her parent's way of setting her up on a date, she wouldn't have come. Historia would have made up any excuse not to be here.

She was wearing a modest blue dress picked out by her parents. They’d picked this one because it "made her eyes look brighter."

They hadn't told her a thing, just got her ready and had their driver take them to an unnamed restaurant. They'd led her inside without a word and introduced her to the Grace family.

Their son was tall. Taller than Ymir tall. Which is extremely tall for her. He had short brown hair, slicked back by some kind of gel. Brown eyes that looked, admittedly, pretty in the light of the restaurant.

He had a fitted suit on and when he greeted her, he kissed her knuckles like a proper gentleman. Historia forced back her grimace smiled politely at him. She knew her parents were watching her every move, so she looked down at her feet as if embarrassed. She took her time looking back up into his eyes and he smiled at her.

“I’m Chris.” He finally said to introduce himself.

“Historia.” Chris smiled and she forced her smile wider. Both their parents were trying to act like they weren't watching them, only making it _that_ much more obvious that they were. It wasn’t long before they were led to their table.

Her heels clicked annoyingly on the black marble floor as she followed her group to their table. Chris pulled out Historia's chair for her and she thanked him as she sat. He took the seat to her left. Water was poured into a glass in front of her.

She hated these kind of restaurant, pretentiously big and elegant. Ever attendant waiters who'd refill your glass after each sip. Overly expensive meals that weren't even filling.

What she wouldn’t give to eat a greasy cheeseburger while sitting on the couch with Ymir at her apartment. The freckled woman would probably put on some horror flick and they’d make out while some girl was getting her head ripped off by a crazy serial killer.

“So, I hear you’re enrolled at Rose University?” Chris’ question broke her from her pleasant fantasies and she nodded in response to his question.

“Yes, I’m studying to be a nurse.”

“Oh, a nurse? I figured you’d be going into politics after your parents.”

“Well, that of course is the top option, but I’d like to have a degree in something that interests me as a back of plan of sorts.”

“Ahh. I see.” He continued to make small talk with her throughout the meal and she answered his questions and asked some in response to feint interest in this boy. She kind of felt bad, he seemed genuinely interested.

She could see her father’s approving smile from the corner of her eye and she felt almost guilty at the act she was putting forth. Historia was going to tell him about Ymir soon. Forget the consequences. Living a lie was becoming painful.

And that’s when her fork suddenly dropped from her hand as a strange pulse surged through her body. It clacked noisily against her plate. Five pairs of eyes turned to her in confusion.

_Lub-dub._

“Is something wrong?” Chris asked. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and she turned her widened eyes up to look at him, her mouth open in an attempt to say something. _Anything._

_Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub._

That was her heartbeat, right? Why could she hear it so clearly? The pound in her ears continued as her fingers curled into the cuff of Chris’ shirt.

Why is he tilting sideways? Oh wait, was that _her_?

She could feel herself hitting the floor hard, and a scream of panic from someone, but the pain from that wasn’t anything compared to the sudden explosion of nerves that attacked her head. Tears, hot and wet, poured down her face and her nails dug painfully into her scalp. She’d never felt anything so intensely painful. Her mouth was open as she screamed from the pain and she could feel the panic erupting around her.

All at once, the pain subsided and her vision went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Ymir's voice was muted,_ ** _but Historia could clearly see her mouth moving. Ymir never looked this happy. What was going on?_

_Her hand was held out like an invitation._

Where are we going?

“Far away.” _Her lips seemed to say. Historia saw her outstretched hand being clasped in Ymir’s. It was clearly her hand, it was attached to her body, but she wasn’t controlling her own movement_ _s._

Wake up. _A different voice whispered to her left._

 _Ymir’s smile faded and instead her face hardened._ “Come with me.”

Wake up.

_Her head throbbed and the strange image in front of her blurred. When her head cleared. Ymir was gone._

_She’d missed her._

Ymir?

_Silence answered her. She called the freckled woman’s name again and again._

Wake up. _The voice urged again. More desperate._

_Wake up?..._

* * *

  **Historia w** **oke with a** violent jerk and a beeping noise rapidly filling her ears. Her face was damp with sweat. Her vision was blurry and she couldn't make out a thing, only a few hazy bland colors. The beeping increased its annoying metro, her head pounded painfully from the aggravating noise. She heard someone walk briskly into the room and a gentle hand on her shoulder pressed her against the thin mattress beneath her.

“Calm down.” A strange voice told, dabbing at her face with a cloth. “Calm down.”

Historia slowly felt the panic leave her body and she relaxed into the cot, and her vision slowly focused on the plain white tiles above her head. She blinked in mild confusion, then turned her eyes to the person who’d helped her calm down.

A nurse.

“Where am I?” Historia croaked, then she coughed, her fingertips raised to brush against her throat. It felt like she'd be drinking sand. The nurse left her side for a moment and she heard water filling a cup. She returned with a cup nearly filled with cool, clear liquid. The nurse pressed the cup into her hand and Historia swallowed the liquid quickly, feeling almost immediately refreshed.

“You’re at the hospital." The nurse finally answered once she'd handed the cup back to her. "You were at a dinner with your family and you suddenly collapsed and passed out. You’ve been asleep for three days.”

“Three days?” She sputtered, her hands fisted in her sheets.

“Mhmm… Your doctor has been running tests and… Well, I think he’d better explain when your parents return.”

It’s so bad that her _parents_ need to be present. Oh God. Historia felt light headed again and the nurse placed a soft hand on her forehead until she let the darkness called sleep claim her once more.

* * *

  **The next time** **Historia** woke was much more pleasant than the first, she drifted slowly into consciousness. She groaned at the throb that went through her head, before she realized she wasn’t alone. Historia felt her cheeks heat up, turning the groan into an awkward cough.

There were three people standing around her bed, her mother and father, and a tall man in a labcoat.

The man in the lab coat had to be her doctor. Her parents were looking as regal as ever. Except their faces looked broken, her mother’s eyes were red like she’d been crying. Her father just looked solemn.

“What’s wrong?” Historia asked after a few minutes of no one saying a thing. Her voice sounded too timid, too feeble, and she was ashamed of it.

“Well, I suppose I’ll just get right to the point.” Her doctor started, he glanced at her parents for approval, but neither of them meet his eye. He sighed, pulling his glasses off and rubbing the bridge of his nose. Then he looked directly at Historia and she felt a sinking feeling in her chest. “We've been running tests since you arrived here a few days ago, and we've found you have a very rare brain disease. It’s—Well we’ve never seen anything like it before. Perhaps if we’d caught it before, we might have been able to do something, but now it seems your brain cells are deteriorating too fast for it to be fixed.”

It felt like the air had been sucked directly from her lungs and she looked at her parents. Her mother's face was buried in her fathers chest. Her father's face was turned so he wouldn't see her reaction.

Couldn't they even _look_ at her?

“What are you saying?” Historia heard herself ask.

“At best, I’d say you have about two months until your brain shuts down completely. I—“

“You’re kidding, right? That’s not a funny joke, sir.”

“Historia, it’s no joke.” Her father replied. Lod Reiss, the man who's name could send the room into a hush actually looked close to tears.

She was… Dying? How could she be fine all this time and then something like this? And that nurse said she’d been asleep for three days earlier, right?

Ymir. She was supposed to call Ymir after dinner? Where was Ymir? She needed Ymir. Her eyes jolt to her parents. How would they react to her being here though?

Could she deal with their disapproval?

Of course she could. She was _dying._ She didn’t need to die with her parents’ _acceptance._ How could she not tell Ymir just for their benefit?

“I’ll leave you alone then.” Her doctor dismissed himself and Historia almost wanted to punch him. He was going to drop a bomb like that and then scurry away.

“Who’s Ymir?” Her mother asked after the door had closed behind her unnamed doctor, she turned her head from her fathers chest, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief, careful to avoid messing up her make-up further.

“What?” Historia asked in bewilderment.

“You kept calling for a ‘Ymir’ while you were asleep. Who’s Ymir?”

“My--,” She swallowed the last of her fears. No going back. “Girlfriend. She’s my girlfriend.”

“You mean, your friend who’s a girl, correct?” Her dad asked, he met his wife’s panicked eyes, the emotion reflected in his own eyes.

“No, she’s my girlfriend. In the dating sense. I’ve been with her over a year and I—I love her. I want her here.”

They gawked at her in utter disbelief. She almost wanted to laugh at the looks on their faces, but it really wasn't a laughing matter.

“No.” Her mother spat. “Absolutely not.”

“I’m dying.”

“Don’t say tha—“

“But I am! And I’m not going to leave Ymir in the dark. I don’t care what you two think. I won’t.”

“Historia.”

“Mom, no.”

“Dear, talk some sense into her.” Both women turned to her father for what he had to say, but he didn't speak.

“Let me have my phone, I need to call her.”

“No—“

“Mom! I’m an adult and you can’t hold my phone hostage. I know you have it. Give it to me.” Her mother looked defiant, but Historia met her eyes evenly, refusing to back down. Her mother shook her head and pulled Historia's phone from her purse and handed it to her. It was off.

“Thank you.” Her parents stared at her for a moment too long and she narrowed her eyes. It took them another second to get the hint, and they exited her room.

Historia turned her phone on and unlocked it. Immediately, her notifications blew up with messages from Ymir. 13 missed calls and 20 text messages, a few other messages from her a couple of her classmates that she didn't take the time to acknowledge. She smiled fondly knowing Ymir’s was worried about her and immediately called her number.

Ymir picked up after the first ring.

“Fucking Christ, Historia. Where the fuck are you?”

“I’m at the hospital.”

“What? What happened? Are you o—“

“Ymir, just listen, okay? And let me finish." Historia took the silence as her cue to go ahead and explain. "During the dinner I apparently collapsed and I've been asleep up until maybe thirty minutes ago. My doctor told me I have some rare brain disease. They don’t even have a name for it. I’m dying, I—I only have a couple months left and—,” She choked on a sob and Ymir was still silent on the other end. "Ymir?"

“What hospital are you at?” Ymir finally asked, her voice tight.

“Maria Hospital, I think.” Historia looked out her window and could see the front of the hospital from her bed. A large sign with the name of the hospital she'd given Ymir was standing tall.

“Calm down and stop crying, okay? I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“My parents are here.”

“Fuck them. I’m coming, alright?”

"Alright."

* * *

  **The hospital was in** the richest part of Rose City, which made it an annoyingly long trip from her apartment. About an hour and a half after she’d hung up on Historia, she was marching into the _private_ hospital.

“Hey, nurse.” The lady who was sitting at the check in looked up at her, and visibly shrunk. “Tell me what room Historia Reiss is in.”

“I’m not allowed to do that.”

“I don’t care what you’re allowed to do. Tell me or I’ll just throw open every hospital room until I find her.” The nurse stared at her defiantly for a moment, before she rolled her shoulders and typed into her computer.

“Third floor, room 308.”

“See, that wasn’t all that hard. Thanks.” Ymir leaned across the counter and shook the woman's hand genuinely gratefully. It would have been a pain to go through with option B. She took the elevator up to the third floor and walked down the hallway.

There were two people sitting outside Room 308. The man had dark colored hair, and the woman had pale blonde hair. They were styled to perfection. If she hadn't known from all the news reports, she probably would have recognized Lod and Victoria Reiss anyways from their resemblance to Historia.

They glared at her when she walked deliberately up to the room. She raised an eyebrow at Lod Reiss as he stood and she moved to walk past him. Lod Reiss then blocked her path and she groaned.

“Fucking—“

“Don’t you dare use such foul language in my presence.” He sneered and she rolled her eyes.

“Look, old man. I don’t want to fight with you. I just want to see Historia, alright?”

“Not alright.” Victoria Reiss answers. “You seduced our daughter into this sinful behavior.”

“What? You’re crazy. She was just as into me as I was into her.”

“Of all the lies—“

“Ymir?” Three pairs of eyes turn to look at the short girl who's leaning too heavily against the door they hadn’t heard open.

“Hey, babe.” Ymir greeted Historia, her voice soft. Her attention turned completely from the Reiss's to the blonde in front of her. “You look like shit.”

"Oh, thanks." Historia’s grimace turned to a pained smile despite the tears in her eyes and her small arms wrapped around Ymir, hugging her too tightly.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Historia mumbled into her chest and Ymir wraped her arms around the crying blonde.

“I told you I’d be here.” Ymir looked up into the reflection in the glass of the door, and she almost smirked at the stunted looks on the Reiss’s faces. “Let’s get you back in bed. You definitely don’t need to be up.”

Ymir helped Historia hobble back to her bed and she laid back down heavily.

“Don’t leave me, okay?” Historia’s eyes had a dazed look to them as she sleepily laced her and Ymir’s fingers.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere.” As she said it, she was looking out at Historia’s parents who were looking at them with what was probably disgust. She squeezed Historia’s hand and lifted her chin in defiance. She wasn’t going _anywhere_ unless Historia wanted her to.


	3. Chapter 3

**When Historia w** **oke the** next morning, she felt a weight against her thigh and looked down from her upright position to see Ymir sleeping peacefully next to her. Ymir's cheek was pressed against her thigh, mouth slightly open as she snored softly. There were a bunch of wrappers from vending machine snacks in her lap, and their fingers were laced together.

Historia lifted a hand to run her fingers through Ymir’s hair, surprised at how much of an effort the small action felt. But lying in bed for days can definitely make a girl weak. Ymir’s eyebrows twitched at the contact and her eyes opened slowly. She blinked up at Historia, then she turned her head and rested her chin against Historia’s thigh, meeting her gaze.

“Hmm, hey.” Ymir mumbled.

“Hey.” Historia replied, offering her girlfriend a small smile which was returned.

“How're you feeling?” Ymir asked, as she sat up and released Historia’s hand to stretch her back. Historia's handadmittedly felt colder without Ymir’s hand in hers.

“Weak. Really weak.” Historia lifted her hand and Ymir took it again without a word. She sighed and Ymir’s hand squeezed her own. “Is there any chance this is all just a bad dream?”

“I don’t think so blondie.” Ymir turned her gaze away from her face and her eyes focused on their joined hands. Ymir not meeting her eyes was what sparked the sudden need to cry.

“I don’t want to die, Ymir.” Historia's vision blurs with the water filling her eyes. The sudden pressure of a hand of her head surprised her enough that the tears stopped. She looked from her lap up to Ymir who was giving her a sad smile.

“Hey, don’t cry, okay? You’re not allowed to feel sorry for yourself. You’re not gonna spend your last days crying. I’m not gonna let that happen.”

“Ymir—“

“Don’t fucking argue with me.” And, for the first time, Historia realized how thick Ymir's voice was from the unshed tears in her eyes. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not gonna cry.” She wiped her face and gave Historia a wide smile that looked so unbelievably forced. "See."

Historia felt a sob build in her throat and she hiccupped. Ymir wiped her face with rough fingers, then she held Historia chin tenderly in her hand.

"I'm serious. Stop crying." Historia sniffed and her hand wrapped around Ymir’s wrist moving her hand from her chin to rest right above her breast. Ymir’s eyes widened slightly at the feeling of her steady heartbeat, thumping in harmony with the constant beeping from the cardiac monitor.

“Let’s make a promise. Until this stops, neither of us are going to cry. Okay?”

“Okay.” Ymir snorted but nodded in agreement. Her fingers fisted in Historia hospital gown and the blonde frowned down at Ymir’s hand.

“Hey, you’re wrinkling it.”

“Hah! You’ll never change will you?” Ymir laughs almost too loud and Historia held back her own laugher at Ymir's amusement. “On your goddamn deathbed and you’re worried about me wrinkling you stupid hospital gown.” Ymir’s hand covered Historia's face as she continued to laugh at the sudden break in the tension that had filled the room, Historia’s hands grappled at her wrist at an attempt to push her hand away.

A knock on the door interrupted their fun and Ymir released her face immediately, sitting neatly back in her chair as the nurse entered the room. Historia gave her a glare and attempted to fix her disheveled hair as the nurse greeted them.

“Good morning.” She was a plump women with dark hair. She gave them a knowing look as Historia combed through her hair, her cheeks coloring under the nurses eyes. “I'm Jamie, and I'm here for your checkup. Your parents are having a room like this set up in at your home so we can transfer you there afterwards.”

“Oh, okay.” Historia gave Ymir an almost panicked look. They were setting up an at home hospital room, meaning she was going on lockdown. Ymir gave her a look that told her they would discuss this later, and Historia nodded before she looked back at Jamie the nurse and asked her next question. “Can, um, can Ymir stay in here?”

The nurse looked at Ymir who raised an eyebrow, and she smiled with a nod. “Of course.”

* * *

 

**It only t** **ook around** thirty minutes for the nurse to finish all her checkup procedures and she left them alone muttering about what a cute couple they made. When the door closed behind her, Historia turned to Ymir and her hand settled on her forearm. Now was one of those weird moments when she realized she was always touching Ymir in some way when they were together.

Historia looked up into Ymir's eyes and it only took a second for Ymir's deep browns to dart away from her. Historia bit the inside of her cheek.

“So, they set you up a hospital room at home.” Ymir drummed her fingers against the side of Historia’s bed. She looked back up to meet Historia's eyes, an eyebrow raised.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t have to _do_ anything. Okay? They’re obviously trying to keep me away from you.” Historia sighed and she slid her hand down to brush her fingers over Ymir’s knuckles. Ymir stood up, her hand resting on the bed as she leaned into Historia.

Historia felt Ymir let out a breath on her lips, before she kissed her. Historia relaxed into the kiss immediately and her hand rose to rest against Ymir’s cheek, her fingers brushing over her freckles softly. It only takes the slight opening of Historia's mouth for Ymir to lean further into her and deepen the kiss.

Ymir's hand settled on the back of her neck as her tongue glided past her lips and tangled with her own. They were both so engaged in the kiss, they don’t realize they had an audience until someone clears their throat.

They parted with a smack, much to Historia’s embarrassment, and she turned red when she realized that it was her father standing in the doorway. He gave Ymir a sneer that had to be reserved just for her when Ymir didn't back away from Historia. She glared at him before she released her hold on the blonde and stood up straight.

“Your room at home is all set.” He turned to look at Historia, completely ignoring Ymir’s presence. “And you won’t be allowed visitors, especially not this one.” He looked at Ymir as if she were a piece of trash and she seethed.

“She’s grown. You can’t deci—“

“It’s been decided.” He cut her off, he pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed a number. “Now, I’m going to have to ask you to leave or I’ll have you escorted out in handcuffs.”

“No way.” Ymir’s hands fist at her sides. “You can’t—“

“Ymir." Historia's voice broke her from her rage and she almost snapped at her too, but the blonde held her gaze. "Please, don’t get arrested for me." Ymir gave Historia an exasperated look, but when she didn't back down, she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

“Fine. Don’t forget.” Ymir tapped two fingers against Historia’s chest. “No more tears.” She leaned into Historia and kissed her cheek she could still feel Lod Reiss's eyes on her. So then, she whispered three words into her ear. “I’ll find you.”

Before she could move away completely, Historia’s hand found her collar and she pulled Ymir in for a long kiss that left her father red as a tomato. Ymir pecked her lips once.

"I love you." Ymir told her.

"I love you too." Historia responded. Ymir gave her a smile before she turned and left, shoulder checking Historia’s father on her way out, which caused him to drop his phone.

He snorted in annoyance before he knelt to pick it up.

“You didn’t need to do that.” Historia told him.

“Your mother and I are not going to let your last moments be spent with a trash lesbian.”

“You don’t even know her. How could you say that?”

“I don’t need to know her. You will _not_ be seeing her again.” Historia laughed bitterly, turning her head to look out the window.

“It’s like you want me to hate you guys. I love her and nothing you do is going to change that fact.”

* * *

 

**It’s seriously hard to** drive when you’re plotting how to get away with killing one of the most influential men in the country.

Ymir can't believe Historia's parents are trying to lock her away the last months of her life. They were treating her like she was a child, and not an adult who'd been handling herself just fine for a year and a half.

The police siren behind her shocked her more than it should have. She looked down at her dashboard and saw she’d been going sixty and the speed limit here is around thirty five.

_Fuck_. Ymir pounded a fist on her dashboard and pulled over. The cop took his sweet ass time getting out of his car and sauntering up to her lowered window.

“Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”

“Yeah, I have a pretty good idea, _sir._ ” He looked almost confused by her defiant attitude. The guy looked young, like just graduated from the Police Academy young. He was pretty scrawny too. Ymir had to cough to hide her smirk.

“License and registration please.” He said and she debated giving him a hard time, but deciding it’s really not worth the effort today. Especially not with her having to go back to her apartment and try and find out where Historia was along with coming up with a plan to break her out.

He went back to his car and Ymir looked at him in her rearview mirror as he talked to his partner who was still sitting comfortably in the car. She dragged an impatient thumb back and forth over her bottom lip, he was _seriously_ slowing down her progress.

Historia was dying. But the world was still turning. This fact bothered her more the more she thought about it.

The only thing— _person_ in the world she cared about was about to ripped away from her. And, the world hadn’t stopped to cushion the blow. Everything else was continuing as normal.

A hand is thrust into her face as her license and registration are handed back to her along with her speeding ticket. Ymir gave Cop Junior a salute which he returned probably out of habit. Then, she drove away, at speed limit this time.

When she got back to her apartment, it already felt like the ghost of what had been was lurking around. Ymir ran a frustrated hand through her hair, then she walked briskly to her laptop to do some research. She was going to find the Reiss household. She was going to see Historia again.

Ymir had no doubts they were holding her phone hostage, but just in case, she kept her phone in view next to her laptop. No amount of homophobic, overprotective parents were going to stop her. Ymir wasn’t the type to give up on what she wanted _that_ easily.


	4. Chapter 4

**It** **had been ten** days since Historia had last seen Ymir. Her parents had waved her phone in her face and said they were going to confiscate it and not to attempt to make contact with “the lesbian.”

Historia had her laptop, with very limited access. They’d completely pulled her out of school and she’d gotten an email from Sasha asking her where she went, she’d explained her situation to her. Historia had thought about emailing Ymir, but realized she didn't even know her email address. Despite that, after monitoring her email and seeing her email to Sasha, her parents had blocked her email access. Needless to say, her laptop was completely useless.

Her TV was always on, just so she’d have some noise to listen to in the otherwise silent room. The past days had been so incredibly dull, she wanted to cry. But, she’d promised Ymir she wouldn’t, and she was going to keep that promise.

Her parents usually kept a heavy surveillance on her room, but today they both had meetings to go to and had given the staff the day off. So, Historia was home completely alone.

Historia was watching some reality show, and she'd unhooked herself from the machines because the droning was simply annoying, when she noticed a tapping against her window. She looked at the window in confusion, it wasn't raining. The clear sky was enough to tell her that. So why was there a tapping noise?

That’s when she saw an object strike her window and she stood quickly to her feet. Historia approached the window cautiously hoping this was what she thought it was, but trying to keep her hopes down. She looked down and she almost sobbed right there seeing Ymir poised to toss another one of the objects in her hand at the window.

Historia put a hand over her mouth to keep herself composed. Ymir saw her and dropped all of the pebbles in her hand, waving at her with a wide smile.

Historia threw open the window. “What are you doing here?”

“You don’t sound very happy.” Ymir crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Do you know what a struggle it was to find your house? Then I had to wait for you fucktard parents to be busy and--"

“Ymir." Historia cut her off. "Of course I’m happy. I just don’t want you getting in trouble.”

“Hey, I told you I’d find you. I keep my promises. You haven’t been crying, have you?”

“No, no. God, Ymir. I missed you. I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Well, come on.”

“Excuse me?”

“Come on.” Ymir gestured to the ladder at her feet. “Imma lift this piece of shit up to your window and you’re gonna come down. And, I’m gonna take you anywhere you want today. This is the last chance I’ll probably get to smother you so let’s go.”

“You’re—Okay, okay I’m coming. Give me a second.”

* * *

 

 **"You really just want** to hang out at my apartment?" Ymir gave Historia a quizzical look. She looked paler than she used to, and she had already been pale so she was looking transluscient. However, Ymir decided not to say anything about it.

"Mhmm. I want something greasy and I want to lay on your tiny couch and watch a movie and I want you to kiss me. Like none of this is happening. I want to pretend, for just a little bit."

"You got it." Historia took her hand from the armrest and laced their fingers.

"McDonalds?"

"You realize their food is absolutely disgusting, right?"

"The more disgusting, the better. I want calories." Ymir laughed and squeezed her hand, making a hard right toward the nearest McDonalds.

* * *

 

 **Historia was eating like** an absolute pig and it was one of the most attractive things to Ymir. The blonde stuffed a handful of fries down her throat, smiling bigger than she had since she found out about her disease. There were crumbs all over her face and Ymir's meal was sitting untouched in front of her because she was too interested in watching the little blonde _punish_ her meal to eat her own.

"Slow down, it's not going anywhere." Ymir put an elbow on the table and rested her cheek against her open palm. Historia swallowed her food before she spoke.

"That doesn't matter. It's so disgustingly good. If you don't eat yours, I might eat it for you." Ymir threw her head back and laughed.

"You fucking pig." Historia sighed as she swallowed another bite of her cheeseburger.

"I can't even begin to explain how much I missed you."

"You can show me later." Historia raised an eyebrow and Ymir just smirked at her, taking her first bite of her now room temperature food.

* * *

 

 **Ymir pushe** **d Historia almost** roughly against her apartment door and their lips parted messily as she unlocked her apartment door.

“You taste like cheeseburgers.” Ymir told her and Historia laughed against her neck. She nipped at the skin beneath her lips and earned a pleased groan from Ymir as she wrapped an arm around her waist and lead her backward. Historia arched into Ymir when her back pressed against a wall.

“I never thought I’d miss fast food that much.” Ymir’s lips are on the curve of Historia's neck, pressing hard kisses along its length.

“You put a nice little hole in my wallet.” The freckled woman dragged her tongue along her collarbone and Historia panted heavily.

“I didn’t think I’d ever miss the feeling of your lips on me.” Ymir hummed an acknowledgement against her skin, her hands lifted Historia’s shirt up and over her head.

“I know the feeling.” Historia kissed Ymir tenderly, hands fisted in the hem of her shirt and she led Ymir back to her bed. They landed on the bed and sank into the sheets. Hands scoped each other’s familiar curves. Each touch, each pull caused a gasp or a moan. And they forgot about their issues as they fell into the comfort of the other’s body.

* * *

 

 **“I don’t want to** go back, Ymir.” Historia’s fingers traced a slow path along Ymir’s collarbone. They were laying down facing each other, still completely naked the sheets covering their lower halves.

Ymir stoked her hair gently. “I don’t want you to go back, but you have to. They’ll keep you alive as long as possible back home.”

“But—“

“Come on, Historia.” Ymir gave her a grudging look and Historia pouted. "You know I’m right.”

“I won’t see you again will I?” Ymir didn't answer her, and her silence made Historia look from her the light freckles on her chest to her face. Ymir's small smile made the heavy feeling in her chest stronger. Ymir took her hand and squeezed it. Historia scooted toward her, cuddling into Ymir and Historia let out an audible breath. “Fuck.”

* * *

 

 **The ride back to** Historia’s house was too quiet, neither of them wanting to say the wrong thing. The sun was just starting to set, painting the sky a blood red color. Ymir walked Historia silently back onto the property. The ladder was still up from when they'd left and Historia put a hand one of the rungs.

“Wait.” Historia turned slowly to look at Ymir ready for a bittersweet goodbye when a rough hand grabbed her wrist and turned her around forcefully. Her eyes widened as she was pulled into one of the most passionate kisses Ymir had ever given her. Ymir’s hand was squeezing her wrist almost painfully, her free hand holding her chin in her hand, and her lips moved so gently against her own. She fell into the kiss, relaxing into Ymir and when they part she could see every raging emotion swimming through Ymir’s eyes.

“I love you.” Ymir finally whispered, pressing her forehead against Historia with her eyes still shut tightly.

“I love you, too. Don’t forget it.” Ymir smiled at her and slipped something into her back pocket. “What—“

“It’s a phone. A pretty shitty phone, but you can call me. Anytime. I’ll answer.” Historia nodded and Ymir pressed a charger into her hands, then Historia climbed the ladder and pulled herself into her room. Ymir gave her one last look, before moving the ladder and setting it down on the ground.

She didn’t look back once as she got into her car and drove away.

* * *

 

 **Every night those final** few weeks, Historia had called Ymir just to hear her voice. They’d talk about really nothing for an hour, and then Historia would say goodnight and go to sleep.

Her condition had been rapidlydeteriorating since their outing, unrelated Historia had promised her. It had been so slow up until two weeks ago. And suddenly, Historia was only conscious for a few hours at a time. Her calls got shorter and shorter.

The night she finally passed, she’d called Ymir one last time. Her voice had been so weak. Ymir had been sitting on her bed wondering if she was even getting a call. When her phone rang, she answered immediately. “Yo.”

“Ymir?”

“Historia?” She heard a sigh on the other end.

“Ymir. Hi.”

“Hey, blondie. How you feeling?”

“I feel… Light.”

“Light?”

“Mhmm. Listen, I have to tell you something. It’s... It's important.”

“I’m listening.”

“I don’t want you to stay sad when I’m gone. I want you to keep living. For _you._ And, don’t be one of those people who stays hung up on their dead ex, okay? Move on and be happy.”

“Historia...”

“Hmm.” Ymir swallowed heavily.

“Why are you talking like you’re about to die tomorrow…”

“You never know. And, I needed to tell you before it was too late.”

"Don't talk like that alright."

"I-- Okay. I have to go. I'm about to fall asleep."

“…Okay. I love you.”

“Love you too, goodbye.” And the line went dead. Ymir stared at the phone in her hand.

_Goodbye?_

She always said goodnight when she actually hung up...

“No. No. Don’t think like that.” Ymir set her phone down and turned over in her bed. _No fucking way_ would the universe be that cruel.

Turned out, the universe wasn’t on her side. And her worst fears had been reality.

The next morning, it was aired on the 8 o'clock news that the only child to the Reiss Family had died last night from an unexplained and mysterious disease. Historia Reiss had been suffering for months and it had been kept quiet for privacy reasons. Ymir felt a a cord strike in her chest and she felt hollow.

No _fucking_ way.

* * *

 

**_Here lies the Beloved,_ **

_Historia Christine Reiss._

_January 15, 1994- January 8, 2014_

Ymir stood alone at Historia's grave marker. The dirt was still fresh over coffin with her body inside. There were tons of flowers and momentos around the grave from people who thought it would look good to pay their respects.

There was a single rose in her gloved hand as she stood alone in the bitter cold. She cleared her throat before she started speaking.

“You know what really fucking sucks? In the end, your shit parents didn’t even let me come to your funeral.” Ymir laughed bitterly and it caught in her throat. “Yeah, they went out of their way to send me a letter telling me I better not show up. I knew something was up when you said that bullshit goodbye. I wish I would have known that would be the last time I talked to you. I would’ve made it more meaningful.

“I sat outside that fucking chapel for an hour. All these asshole who didn’t even know you, the _real_ you, they get to say a proper goodbye to you and I don’t? That’s absolutely fucked. I was sitting there thinking of how I could go in there and fuck their shit up. And then I realized how fucked that would be to you. So, I didn’t. Heh, still making me a better person from the grave. How fucking unfair.

“Besides, I didn’t want to say goodbye to you in the presence of those dickheads anyway. I—Fuck. I already miss. I miss you so much.” She paused feeling a teardrop pelt against her glove and she looked up at the sky and laughed dryly. “Fuck everything. I’m crying. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry in front of you.”

Ymir twirled the white rose between her fingers as the tears flowed from her eyes, not even attempting to hold them back anymore. She sniffed and looked at the grave once again, wiping her face best she could with her jacket sleeve. “I brought you a flower. I don’t know shit about flowers, but I figured it would be nice.” She knelt and placed the flower so it leaned up against the gravestone.

“God, Historia.” Her voice broke on her name and she punched the mound of dirt in frustration. “Why’d you fucking go? I loved you. I still fucking love you. It’s not fair that you left me in this shit world after I got attached to you. After I got used to you being around. I thought maybe someone would actually stay this time.”

 _I don’t want you to stay sad when I’m gone. I want you to keep living. For_ you _. And, don’t be one of those people who stays hung up on their dead ex, okay? Move on and be happy._

“Shit, I’m sorry. It’s just really fucking hard, Historia. I don’t blame you. I swear it.” She ineffectively wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her jacket again, then she took a breath. “I love you, and I’ll be back to visit you again. I’m not gonna be joining you anytime soon, if I can help it. But, wait for me. I don’t think I’m fit to go where angels go, but if I make an effort, maybe I can get there.” She stood and brushed herself off, stepping around all the flowers surrounding the grave and lying a hand on the top of the cool gravestone, the same way she used to lay her hand on top Historia’s head. “See you then, Historia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. :)


End file.
